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Nica Update: Building Project
Dear Family and Friends,
Four years ago, I walked around the soccer field at NCA angry at God for calling us to home school our kids. "This is such an isolating life." I complained. It had been very difficult for me to leave the community of NCA as most of my friendships were built among teachers and staff members. I had been involved at the school on a weekly basis - discipling NCA kids through meeting in classrooms and speaking at chapels and events. Both Rebekah and Will had had excellent school years the year before God called us to bring them home – it just didn't make sense to me, but the call was so clear.
It seemed that I had been walking and complaining for awhile when a question interrupted my ranting . . . "Do you remember Noah?" I thought about Noah and how isolated he must have felt . . . how what he was doing probably did not make sense to him either. It was not until weeks later that the words . . . "I am building something." began to surface in my daily thoughts. I eventually understood that God was reassuring me that home schooling was part of His plan to "build something" into and within our family. These words, "I am building something.", have become somewhat of a mantra for me throughout these past four years of home schooling.
Looking back now, I can see glimpses of what God was and is "building" into our family. Home schooling facilitated Daniel's adoption as part of each school week included a trip to the orphanage where he lived. And Daniel's addition to our family has been and continues to be a tool that God is using to "build something" into us as individuals and as a family. Never have we struggled so much as a family or needed God so desperately on a moment to moment basis. He is building new strength in us as we recognize our weakness and incapability while experiencing His grace and love and greatness in fresh ways. This week I enjoyed many fun and precious moments with Daniel which led me to delight in who he is and is becoming; to be intentionally present with him which always facilitates his openness to "letting me in"; and I relished the sound of our four year old's giggles and squeals and the way he says his favorite word, "WOW!". There are wonderful, sweet times like these too when we can see how we are so much better with him than we ever were without him.
Yet, another glimpse of God's "building project" includes the fact that I grew to love home schooling my kids - it became a delight to disciple Rebekah and Will through the books we read and the experiences we had together and to be a primary influence and watch Dan play a primary role in their academic and life education. (This year, Will attended NCA part-time taking 3 classes. Next year, Will will attend NCA full-time; Rebekah will attend part-time taking 3 classes in the afternoon; and Daniel will attend preschool in the AM.)
A couple of weeks ago, Rebekah wrote an essay for her on-line English class that describes her experience as the sibling of an adopted child. This class is very interactive in terms of teacher/student and student/student communication. One way the students connect is by pairing up with class partners who critique each other's essays and give suggestions for improvement. Rebekah "just happened" to get a partner who is part of a family who adopted within this past year. Her partner remarked that as she read Rebekah's essay, she cried, because her experience as a sibling of an adopted child was so similar. (Rebekah has given me permission to share this essay with you.) It also "just so happened" that Will's on-line English teacher is an adoptive mom as well. She and I shared our hearts by email and she has become a dear friend.
Rebekah's essay offers another glimpse into how God is "building something" - in her and in our family. I have watched Rebekah progress from being angry about how much our lives have needed to change to accommodate Daniel's needs to someone who consistently loves Daniel unconditionally on a daily basis. She often inspires me. The rest of us continue on our own journeys and in a later post, I plan to share more of my own. Dan's gift of gentleness has been invaluable as Daniel thrives when his environment is predictable and calm. Daniel clearly sees Dan as a very safe person - he and Dan have a very special relationship. Will continues to show more and more tenderness toward Daniel and to open himself up to his role as "big brother". Yet, a journey this is and "arrive" we have not. But, we have come a very long way. Thanks be to God.
Rebekah's essay:
"Today? Really? We can bring him home right now? Wow!" I could hardly believe my ears as I talked with my mom on the phone. My parents were on their way home from a meeting with an adoption agency in Managua, Nicaragua, where we live. Four months after we had begun the process, the adoption agency had just told us we could bring home the little boy we had been trying to adopt. This day marked the beginning of our journey with three-year-old Daniel in our home. Adoption in general presents daily challenges; yet it remains a transformational process. Families experience an emotional impact like anger towards a child when they behave in strange or difficult ways; or resentment towards them when they cause the whole family stress. On the other hand, adoption brings with it the joy of seeing a child grow and learn new things. It also provides a home for a child that might not have had one otherwise. Adoption gives all those involved a chance to learn from God's example, strengthen character, and accept opportunities to serve.
Going through the adoption process provides a chance to learn from God's example of adoption. God adopts His children into His family through their relationship with Jesus and He, unlike human parents, is perfect; so the way He interacts with His children sets a flawless example for earthly parents to follow. This Heavenly Father tirelessly extends unending unconditional love to His children. Loving unconditionally often proves challenging, especially towards an adopted child. For example, my little brother Daniel, like any three-year-old, tends to get upset over small and trivial things; little details like opening his bag of goldfish upside down or ripping it down the side a little often result in a tantrum. Most everyone finds it hard to love a screaming child, specifically after a long day; but, with God's help and by following His example, loving unconditionally becomes possible. God also assures those who trust in Him that He will never abandon them. Adoptive families, too, must assure their children that they will always take care of them. Many adopted children have already experienced first-hand what abandonment feels like. For instance, Daniel will ask us throughout the day, "No adios?" meaning "you will not be leaving, right?" Often, the times when Mom leaves result in tears, but through these difficult times, Daniel continues to learn that we always come back to him. Thus, God sets an example for adoptive families by never leaving and continually extending unconditional love.
Many life changes strengthen character, including adoption. By definition, "character" can mean many different things; but one definition: "moral or ethical strength," fits well with adoption. This definition refers to character as some sort of intangible strength. In the physical world, when a person strengthens his or her body, muscles sometimes become sore and begin to hurt, but as they recover, they become stronger. Equally, "moral strength" sometimes hurts as the "muscles" become stronger. For example, every time Daniel treats us in hurtful ways, we better understand how to react to him with love and patience; and eventually we learn to simply disregard his actions and respond to him lovingly. For Christians, adoption also has potential to strengthen their spiritual character. As they strive to love and care for the child to the best of their ability, they often discover their need for God extends throughout every aspect of life. For example, before I could really start to love Daniel unconditionally, I had to surrender all my expectations and disappointments to the Lord. Now, with Gods help, I am able to love Daniel in previously-impossible ways. Character building through adoption develops in many different areas—especially emotionally and spiritually.
Adoption also provides many opportunities for family members to serve one another. These acts of service, often small and seemingly insignificant, can demonstrate love to those who need it. Because young children generate added stress, parents can often feel overwhelmed. This presents kids and teens with the opportunity to do something helpful for their parents, like making lunch or washing dishes. These simple acts of kindness free the parent to concentrate more on the adopted child or simply take a break. Adoption not only provides teens with opportunities to serve their parents, but also to serve the child they are adopting. Both kids and teens can set a good example for their younger sibling to follow, like washing their hands before supper. Additionally, they can teach the younger child skills like throwing a ball or swimming. For instance, Daniel struggles with speech, so my brother and I have the opportunity to serve by teaching him to say new words. While it is true that spending time with a younger sibling may not seem easy, profitable activities often require a little work. While some may overlook the opportunities to serve while adopting, they provide instances when family members can put another before themselves.
In conclusion, for those who allow transformation, adoption results in a stronger and forever-changed family. It could be called a "win-win situation" because the family becomes stronger and the child receives a home. Adoption strengthens families spiritually and emotionally, allows them to follow God's example of adoption, and provides ways for kids to show love to their family through service. God's example of unconditional love and unfailing presence both gives hope to families as they struggle through difficult times and provides an example of what perfect adoption looks like. God often becomes much more real to those adopting when they cry out to Him in the midst of managing difficult behavior. Adoption in one phrase is an "act of service": obedience and service to God, service to the child, and many opportunities to serve within a family. All in all, adoption reflects God's unconditional love when He adopts people as His children; this truth encourages those who welcome children into their families through adoption.
Thank you once again for your prayers for our family this year. Dan and I were just saying the other night that this has been the most difficult year of our married life, but that we feel like we are ending it in much better shape than we had at one time anticipated that we would. God's constant leading and loving and responding has carried us throughout this year. We are so thankful that we do not journey alone. . . we are thankful too that you are engaged in this journey with us through prayer. We have such an amazing team!
Peace to you,
Lisa (Dan, Rebekah, Will, and Daniel) Van Zoest
| | | Pictured here are Daniel and Roger cutting the grass near our home – Roger with cutting shears and Daniel with his little blue scissors. Daniel loves helping Roger prune trees, water plants, and cut the grass. One of the things we notice about Daniel is that he loves to work alongside others and is determined to master the tasks that he attempts. He also often asks Roger to cut down a coconut from one of the trees and he loves to drink the "agua" and eat the "coco". Roger has been a kind friend to Daniel. | | | When Daniel wakes up in the morning, he wants to know the plan for the day. And if I do not have one, he gives me ideas for what our plan should be. Today, his plan was to make a pinata out of a box – something we have done many times as he loves to hit the pinata. Something new that he did today was to ask me to hit the pinata and while I did, he started yelling, "Go Mommy go!" and clapping as I delighted in hearing him use more words. | | | Playing dress up with his good friend. Daniel asks to play with a friend every day. Sometimes we go to his old school to play with kids during recess. Other times we have gone to NCA International to play during recess. And sometimes we go to a friend's house. I love how much he loves people. | | | For the past two to three months, Daniel has been playing "garbage man" every day. He asks us to tie the laundry basket to his bike and then he will put toys and some old magazines/paper/sometimes whatever he can find into the basket. This idea was birthed the day he watched the men who work on the garbage truck pick up the garbage from our neighborhood. He listens for the garbage truck each day and will sprint out of the house when he hears the truck. The men who work on the garbage truck really enjoy Daniel's interest in what they are doing - they will wave and smile at him each time he shows up. | | | | | | | |
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